A PAUL TWOHILL'S

(http://profiles.friendster.com/9574405)

Let's get fucked up and die.

I am speaking figuratively of course.

Like the last time that I committed suicide.

"Social suicide."

Yeah, so I'm already dead,

On the inside but I can still pretend.

With my memories and photographs I have learned to love the lie.

I want to know what its like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.

I want to know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense,yeah.

Let me in, let me into the club 'cause I want to belong,

And I need to get strong.

And if memory serves I'm addicted to words.

And they're useless...in this department.

Let's get fucked up and die.

I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie.

And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode.

I'm about to explode.

I'm a mess I'm a wreck.

I am perfect and I have learned to accept,

All my problems and shortcomings 'cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my.

"Forget me nots and marigolds and other things that don't get old."

Is it legal to do this?I surely don't know.

It's the only way I have learned to express myself, Through other peoples descriptions of life.

I'm afraid, I'm alone and entirely useless...in this department.

Let's get fucked up and die.

For the last time with feelings we'll try not to smile.

As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights that still shock and surprise.

I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end.

But I choose to abuse for the time being.

Maybe I'll win.

But for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier you've been such a positive influence on my mental frame.

If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash and my memory lacks Initiative. Goddamn the liquor store's closed we were so close to scoring.It hurts, it destroys 'til it kills.

I am tired and hungry and totally useless...In this department.

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

(extracted from http://mylensmylife.blogspot.com/)

"...your bones aren't made of glass.You can take life's knocks."--Amelie

"Be kind to me, or treat me meanI'll make the most of it,I'm an extraordinary machine"--Fiona Apple

"MAKE IT WORK...CARRY ON...LET'S CAUCUS..."--Tim Gunn

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like."--Garden State

"We all live under the same skyWe all will live, we all will dieThere is no wrong, there is no rightThe circle only has one side"--Travis

"I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom."--Dwight Schrute

Dream Seeds:

(DREAMS DO COME TRUE)

I remember an old lady once told me that If i was to dream better come up with something big, cause dream is the only thing that is unlimited. looking back at that fact i have learned that she's actually correct, so i set my goal and believe me, my goal would have cause the America to join Europe! (ha ha!) but with all my heart I planted a dream seeds, wherein i water it everyday by continuously reminding my self of those dreams, i even talk to those dream seeds by constantly writing it down on my journal, and I expose that seed everyday on the sun through praying and believing for those dreams, and that's how simple i take care of my dream seeds because I know, someday, it may not come today but someday I'll be starting to reap my dreams and I'd be starting to enjoy fruits of my labor.

So friends, do not ever stop on wishing, just keep on praying cause God's ain't deaf so just live your dreams, your Big Dreams cause dreams do come true.

a late mother's day presentation

MOTHER'S SILHOUTTE

Though art precious

though art the best

though art chosen

to lead among the rest

you caused us sanity

you eased all our pain

you mold our integrity

humble, you let us remain

you raised us up

withough even thinking twice

you put us on top

lo!now i'm one of the wise

you let us know fear which makes us to continue believing

above God, we're nobody without you

your words are blessing

apart from that we're through

you treat us also like friend

that's the reason why we always wanted to be with you

how we wish our days won't come to an end

because the colors will turn out hue.

by:joyenz

1-30-05
(3:37 p.m)

Lilipeth: my stoopid cat

i have petted a street-cat

he's soo stoopid yet cute

i was so mad at him late this morning

when all he do is wake me up bec. he said he's already hunngry
(but of coarse in cat;s language) (lol)



so wat i did is grab him on his nape

hit him so hard till he cries (lols)

and i throw him on a monoblock chair

back then he look at me so mad, furious cat



so what i did is grab a knife

i ran back into him

i position the knife

ready...counts 1...2...3...



(caution...this is just another freaky story o' mine...no cat has been harmed...lol...trust me...haha)

a barrel of laugh...just can't get enough

old man: hei kid...mind if i ask you something?
kiddo: no sir! just make sure i can answer it.
old man: i wanted to pass the stream. do you think it's shallow?
kiddo: indeed sir...very shallow...

after a couple of minutes the old man shouts for help...

old man: you freak! help me outta here...grab my hand or I'll be drowned
kiddo: (HUH!?) indeed very puzzled and yet grabs the hand of the poor almost drowned man
old man: i though you said it is shallow here but you almost get me killed!
kiddo: yeah old man... that's what i thought so...
old man: you freak! what makes you said that!
kiddo: because sir...i just saw a SWAN pass by and yet it looks so calm and assured so i thought it is shallow.

wahahahahahah...can't get enough? lol.. i know lame huh? but you couldn't help but laugh!

Okaeri

Have you ever dream of knowing what the future has for you? like you would kill just to survive cause you realy wanna see the tomorrow sky? well i do...i dreamt of knowing what my future has for me...why o why? because i wanna change my fate. i wanna end up happy cause NO ONE believe me NO MAN has ever been HAPPY his entire life or at least remaining hour. No one would wanted his loved one get killed, no one i guess ever wished of his Dad dies (unless he's evil then he could wish of that) No man ever wished of starvation or ever prayed of plague, though i once wished of holocaust...and it did...mean me....I'm Sorry...I am verr sorry.

But that was just a fantasy. now ima back to R-E-A-L-I-T-Y. OKAERI JOYENZ...WELCOME BACK JOYENZ!... I was unable to help my self to DREAM and part of that dreaming is to envision my domani mattina cause I don't wanna die helpless and failure....byzantine yet within reach... Life has a lot to offer but we are just so blinded to see only the enigma of it... even God has been so much Kind that he let us have the "FREE WILL"... but i guess that's the beauty of life, that's what makes it perfect, thats what keeps us holding on, that help us become independent, make us more mature, it nurtures our way of thinking that makes us supple.

All those pains, heart-aches, scars, pail o' tears, weariness and even death is good. in deed it is great, cause it brings out the best in us, it become our strenght to stand tall, we may not want to lose or fail someone like a family or friend but losing them doesn't mean they are realy gone because you still have their memories in you, the laughters, the Joy, the shared-moments, all those sweet stuffs that makes you a better you for your tomorrow.

Lo! listen. if ever you have to pause you still have all the reasons to continue the walk, because no matter how, no matter what the people will say, no matter when and no matter why you will always have the reason to push to your tomorrow and even the wilderness, the sorrows of hardship, loneliness of time won't be able to overcome you! cause you will always have your yesterdays to go back to, and you will always have those people to welcome you.

Okaeri kaeru bashu...welcome back to our HOME where tomorrow leads.

PINOY PRIDE

yeah! ima shout and i aint gonna be reluctant IMA BEBOT yeah...FILIPINO FILIPINO!
well i am just so overjoyed to hear a lot of Filipino like ME whos been able to penetrate the land of Milk and Honey (USA BABY) and AROUND the world God i was like...men we are too talented huh!? lol...not bragging just saying it confidently cause they are OUR pride and joy, here they are:

NICOLE Z. OF PCD
MANY PACMAN PACQUIAO
RAMMIELLE OF AMERICAN IDOL
ERIC SPOELSTRA COACH OF THE MIAMI HEATS
APL OF BLACK EYED PEAS
JASMIN TRIAS OF AMERICAN IDOL
CASSANDRA VENTURA A.K.A CASSIE
ENRIQUE IGLESIA
AND A LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT MORE..
and CHARICE PEMPENGCO (latest i thnk)

Charice who is one of the runner up in one of the Country's singing competition gained her worldwide popularity after an unknown fan posed his video of clarice singing on YOUTUBE and has been an OVER NIGHT miss POPULAR right then and there...she's been invited to sing in U.K and Korea and in ELLEN DEGENERES show and LATELY in OPRAH WINFREY SHOW...don't believe me? then watch this...





I AM NOT A CHARICE SUPER FANATIC BUT I AM A FAN AND I ADORE THIS YOUNG LADY WHERE IN IN SUCH YOUNG AGE SHE HAD ACCOMPLISHED HER DREAMS AND STILL BRINGING THE FIRE ON!
VIVA! CHARISE GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL THE OTHER FILIPINO PENETRATORS HERE AND ABROAD!
GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL OF US BACK HERE...STAY SWEET AND HUMBLE...***SMOOCHES***

waratte shimaun desu (putting on a smile)

LONG LONG LONG DAY...haha!i was able to withdraw my help to my Pastor who's been asking me a very big favor...wanna know what kind? he's asking me to help him on his DISSERTATION PAPER FOR DOCTORAL DEGREE! yeah i was like what did I do to myself but fortunately i was able to withdraw at last cause i was like kinda dead right now...lol..anyways i was talking to my friend Xue Mei back in Beijing,China (well i mishooo mei mei) and I asked her a favor to help me translate some mandarin words for me and here are some of our conversation...

joyenz: mei mei wazzup girl...i mishooo...

meimei: i miss u too...

joyenz: hei i heard abt. the news (earthquake)

meimei: oh u do?

joyenz: so how are you? i thought you were hurt!

meimei:: no i'm not..it's on the other part of China..

joyenz: good thing huh?

meimei: (smiley)

joyenz: so hows work?

meimei: is ok...it's dark outside..

joyenz: yeah? it's raining here too..

meimei: rili? hei is dat ur language?

joyenz: no..that's japanese (nippongo)

meimei: do u know how to speak jap?

joyenz: yeah... i think so...lol...but not that good...

meimei: o rili...wow

joyenz: would you help me translate some of this in your own language...well pls not in chinese char. huh?!

meimei: ok...

joyenz: good morning, good evening, good afternoon,
thank you, you're welcome, HI MY NAME IS JOY, HI/ HELLO

meimei:

zao shang hao= good morning

wan shang hao= good evening

xia wu hao= good afternoon

xiexie= thank you

bu bi ke qi or bu yong xie= you're welcome

wo jiao JOY or o de ming zi shi JOY= HI MY NAME IS JOY

ni hao= HI/ HELLO


joyenz: yehei...wow...i am learning now...lol..

Hiro Mizushima is <3

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE HANA KIMI

Carlisle

I wasn't done with my novel yet in 1800 when I escaped one of the most horrifying reality in my life when i was sent into prison and sentenced to be hanged by death. I didn't mean it, and sure wasn't even part of my plan but I fell in love with his Fiancee, i fell in love with the Baron's betrothed. I was the Baron's comrade, I almost knew everything about him, but of coarse i am his kinfolk. I was told by my mother that my great great grand father was supposed to be the king but instead his brother who is Baron Geoff's great great grand father stole the crown from him when he intoxicated his brother. though my great grand father was already 3 years old that time of course he still won't be able to rule the kingdom so the crown was passed to the Baron's great great grandfather.

My father died when i was two years old and after four more years my mother passed away too. I was six years old back then when I've been like an orphan to the kingdom, that's how Geoff and I grew up like real brother, and best friend. but that didn't last long now that i am one of the most wanted in the kingdom.

It started when the Baron fell in love with Charline, a fair maiden of an affluent family. I was introduced to Charline by Adam, a common friend. right then and there I knew that feeling. i told myself She's the one. but not until Geoff saw her and did all his best to impress and catch her attention, but Charline and I still become close friend, and because Geoff's got a lot of work to do in the Kingdom he seldom go out with Charline and instead he is sending me to be like a body guard to his beloved though he always make sure that Charline should dine with him every Sunday night wherein a weekly celebration occurs in the Kingdom.

Then she fell in love...with me. we tried to ignore our feelings for each other first but the more you disregard it the more it will haunt you. daunted yet assured, we continue our love. fated to destruction, he caught us making love. anger takes its toll on him. he pulled out his sword and threw it to me. gladly i was able to escape in the window. Charline calls his attention, yet he shackle her to death and as much as i want to help her i ran. i cried. then i heard the news in the town that tomorrow she'll be forever tied with him. a pauper saw me at the back of the old oak tree, said he, young man save thy life for thy knoweth not that you'll be killed tonight if they saw you, so ran.

I ran and i ran, and i remember her aura that moment and yet i remember that i am wanted. "gkkk" i said.

(to be continued....)

my award winning poetry

Struggles
(Social/political issue)
Peace on earth:In demand
joynlazaro

Peace was created by man
But the same time war was done by human
Is there still place where we can find peace?
Is there still love that binds human fists?
All I hear were cries and mourns
Peace where art though I am torn

War was done by mischievous act
Still people find and ask where do we lack?
Aren’t you afraid that time will come
That God will arrive and bring his kingdom come
What will you say if He ask what have you done
Will you say, yes sir I had faithfully completed things, I’m done

Leaders ought to free his men
But what he’s creating is conflict between them
We are oblige to pursue his command
But did he realize the cause, please comprehend
Except then again one should respect public opinion
But never be adamant insofar as to prevent collision

Maybe after all things were just easily said than done
But at least one must stand not just being swan
Many heroes start fighting with their pen
‘Cause they never wanted to happen the ghastly omen
This place is not going better let’s not pretend
So don’t add hostility, let’s put this to end

Peace can’t be just found here and there around
It should start from us where love can be found
We’re all pilgrims on the journey of this narrow road
So let’s not overpower other nations abode
Let us try to figure where we should stand
To prevent fighting as peace on earth is very in demand

my thoughts from the movie AMISTAD

we are created equaly, it's just that what makes us unequal are injustices. people always tend to eliminate poor instead of eradicating poverty itself. slavery and discrimination should vanish in this world as well as political issues should end. remembring what John Quincy Adams, the sixth president of the United State of America, the son of John Adams the second President of the United States once said "who we are are who we were" it only means that if we continue living the wrong way our past is surely determined by our future.

tell me how

how could one live freely with a chain on his hands,
with a heavy shackle on his feet
with a serious burden on his back?
tell me how could one, how could one?

how could He festive all night
knowing that His men is fighting on the battleground
how could he eat with fork and knife on his hands
when people on streets eat with barehands?

how could someone manipulate people
persuade them to stand beside him
when we know all of these are his fault
how could that be?tell me tell me?

how could you be proud of yourself
proclaiming you made it, the triumph you made it
when the truth is you didn't even fight with your men
you're pathetic! you should die with those other half!

(ATTN: CHRISTIANS AND BELEIVERS)

WAKE UP CHRISTIANS! THERE IS NO TIMEFOR SLACKING RIGHT NOW! DON'T GO WITHTHE WORLD BUT WITH HIS WORDS RATHERMAKE A DIFFERENCE IN A WAY YOU KNOWWE'LL BRING MORE SOULS TO HIS KINGDOMOPEN YOUR EYES AND FREE YOUR MIND LETLOVE(GOD) RULE IN YOUR HEART AS WE ALLBE LIFTED IN THE SKY!THIS IS THE TIME!IT'S NOW OR NEVER,IT'S BE SAVED ORDAMNED! THIS IS THE POINT OFANTICONFORMITY THE POINT OF BEING DIFFERENT!<-joyenz->

oNe wAy oR anOthEr

in life you need to do things that gets you outside your comfort zone, if you don't then you'll never know. sometimes we even stop ourselves from doing things that we want to do, even when you win or loose not knowing would be the biggest lost. so try!

my famous quote #1

The thing about falling in love, is that if you do it right, you never have to hit the ground

confused himself

"The superior man seeks for it in himself. The petty man seeks for it in others"

-confucius

We don't want other people to affect us

we don't even want them to get into our lives

we even wanna care less to whatever they'll say





but the truth is We are our neighbors walking Bible

so no matter how hard we try to conceal our wrong doings

they'll still get to unlock our deepest secrets





you see, nothing in this world stays forever

though the only constant thing is Change

lets hope at least its forever